The weather is inviting, people are going outside to connect with each other, and the fashions are to be worn! And worn well! With April coming to a close, I’m very excited to see what will unfold in May because the last few months, I've retreated and done a few things to recalibrate.
I took time to think about what and whom increases happiness in me. And some times that means being in solitude or cancelling plans. Within that space I figured out what I missed and what annoyed my soul. I can only be in spaces with people who allow me to be myself, who care about me, because that is what I will always provide for others. I need reciprocation in all interactions (as much as I can help it). I want to be in spaces that inspire me. Art, nature, fitness, because I am no longer inspired by Pinterest boards and saving instagram posts. It feels copy and paste everywhere and I want no parts in it. I’m going back to the basics. I moved from Balitmore to New York 17 years ago being inspired by my upbringing, artistry, and how people and experiences made me feel. I didn’t worry about formalities in expressing myself. Mind you, I’ve never emulated someone else’s style of sharing their taste or ideas but I watched other creators in how they present their work. Like, what hashtags they use, how they introduce themselves, how they connect with brands. Somehow I got caught up in some of that, and second guessing if I’m good enough. I realised this in Feb/ March of this and I fell into a dark space. Within that dark space, I reentered the therapy chat and worked through the discomfort and it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. I feel grounded and connected to my happy space. I’m feeling organically inspired and only wanting to go where love is felt. And if it isn’t, I feel more equipped to navigate the bullshit and stay true to myself.
“Please stop taking offense to someone going into solitude for their mental health. Grow up.”
I’ve began working out again. Going to fitness classes reconnected me to feeling like I’m apart of a team. It’s reminding me of how powerful my body is and its muscle memory. Doing it makes me feel so happy and accomplished. It makes me eat better, I drink more water, I’m more mindful of my time. When a workout is complete, and you look back at that hour, you realise it was a small fraction of your day and you’re ready to fill it with more productivity.
I’ve learned to say fuck off, in a professional way of course. LOL. Maybe it’s watching all of the available episodes of Succession back to back because Granddaddy Logan’s favorite saying just rolls off my tongue/ mind ALL THE TIME now. If someone seems to be holding back on moving forward, Fuck off. If I hear NO, when I know it can be a yes, Fuck Off I’m figuring this out on my own. If the money is looking funny, Fuck off, LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! Who is in charge of accounting because enough is enough, it’s a recession outside and no one has the capacity for money issues with the cost of living being so high. FUCK OUTTA HERE! I feel like mushing anyone that is in my way of living my best life. I recently told a client that everyone that I’m working with has until the end of May to flush out the greatness that seems to be held back due to self limiting behaviour or else I’m walking! Scared Money don’t make no money. Keeping dope shit in the drafts only makes you stay small. Keeping your mouth shut won’t get you fed! Fuck off or let’s go!
Sorry for how I’m composing this….. lol but I’m not sorry for how I feel. I love how I feel right now. It’s giving control. It’s giving living more intentionally. It’s giving I’ve only got one life and I’ll be damned to let this shit be corny and overran by the unqualified thoughts of others who cannot live for me! I implore you to stepping into this mental space by any means necessary. Especially if you have been feeling like your cup is empty. If you’re agitated and not sure what’s causing it. If you feel uncomfortable around certain people and can’t put your finger on the source of the disconnect. Fuck off into solitude and figure it out, so you can come back whole. So you won’t feel off your axis going forward. You may need to change the tribe you subscribe to. You may to need to quit your job, or cut out sugar. Maybe you need a hobby! Be responsible and take a moment to yourself.
“Fuck off or let’s go!”
It is because of this energy that I am excited to see what this blooming Spring has to offer. I’m in the spirit of getting out of my own way and not allowing anyone around me to stay the same.