Dear Mommy,
I am so grateful that I can still hear your voice and hug you, and that I can call you my Mommy. Today is a difficult day for many people, for different reasons, and it makes me want to cherish every moment I get with you.
I memorize the beats of your laughter and watch over you when you drive home from work (yes, I stalk your locations). If harm hovers near you, I lose all sanity.
We had a rough time when I was younger, but only because I didn't understand your sacrifice. For some reason, my mind as a child thought you worked so hard so you didn't have to be around me and Daddy. I thought you didn't like me. When I was a baby, you made the toughest decision to send me to Aruba with your mother and sister until you and Daddy created a better foundation. When I came back to the States, you welcomed me in the most posh Minnie Mouse suite, with private schooling, and no yearning for anything. It took me some time to understand that your sacrifice was to create a space filled with LOVE and SAFETY for me to land.
I am so sorry it took us a few mother-daughter fights and years to understand that you are my soulmate and that you love me more than life itself. It's a tremendous blessing to have a mother like you. Not only do you support our family in every way, but you have carried members of your extended family and given them more than a taste of style and grace. Not only have you done for me and your family, but you have done much greater for strangers. You help breathe life into the sick and you do it with passion and contagious, yet healing laughter. You are helping God every day by working in the medical field, ensuring air flows through people's lungs. I tell anyone that has a second in their day, "My mom is a superhero!" and they believe me because no one can deny the pride I have in my eyes when I think or speak of you.
While I am grateful for the sacrifices you have made for me and our family, I want to take the time to tell you that I want more for you. It's time for you to peel your foot off the gas pedal and let me take over the wheel. I want you to see the world and enjoy the fruit of your labor. You deserve it all. To be first, to live in luxury, to be loved with no conditions, to be respected, to feel the love of God through every aspect of life. I wish you didn't have to be strong and resilient ever! I wish some people made better decisions on behalf of your love and happiness, but they didn't, and you were harmed. I wish you didn't have to heal from those wounds. I wish some of your family didn't have jealousy in their hearts for you and would have held on to loving and respecting you (and if any of you from the Lugay side or Watkins family members are reading this because I know you have found ways to snoop despite being blocked, I hope karma meets you before I see you for what you've done to hurt my mother. It probably already has, and that's why you're so miserable now. Find GOD immediately).
I hope to be able to pick up any broken pieces of your heart and mend them back together with the rest of the life we have together. I want to promise you so much, but instead, I will just show you in time. And even though you're reading this and saying, "Mama, I'm okay," I just want you to be happy and do everything you want to do in life. I won't settle. Yes, you laugh and have the heart of a 15-year-old. Yes, you hold no punches and you speak your mind proudly. Yes, I know you have lived a spicy life. Yes, we all know you taught the fashion girlies how to be the fashion girlies… but it still doesn’t mean I won’t try my hardest to reach for the stars for you.
You’re not just my moon and earth; you are my entire galaxy and beyond. I hope I get the chance to make someone else proud to have a mom, the same way I am proud to have a Muva like you.
Happy Mother’s day Mommy
xoxo,
Your One and Only
